Nurturing "Eldercarers"

This letter was published today. It was a letter I literally dashed off in about ten minutes before shooting off to do my volunteering turn:

Invest in training 'eldercarers'

I lay claim to making up the word "eldercarers". Most young people thinking of a career prefer to work with children. A Sociology classmate who trained in Social Work said working with old people is a dead-end job. There are no positive outcomes. They die.

Such is the bleak reality. But I remind myself, one day I will be old. If I do not set in place a system that will let me age (and die) gracefully, then I have no one else to blame.

So may I also remind all young people that, barring a nuclear disaster or an asteroid striking the earth, we may live till 130 (yes!). Let us watch how we live and treat older people around us, and let us show those even younger than we are how we wish to be treated when we are 129!

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It is good news to hear that the Government is investing in the training of "educarers" of pre-schoolers ("Pre-nursery staff get on-job training"; yesterday).

I urge the authorities to also consider a similar training strategy to better equip "eldercarers" in looking after older people.

This need became clear to me when I did research on the elderly in Britain. There is a dire need to grow the ageing care sector in Singapore as well.

We should not leave our elderly to cheap - or free, when a family member is involved - labour when they deserve the best and most dignified care. We need "eldercarers" who understand the specific physiological, emotional and social needs of the elderly.

In turn, these "eldercarers" need a career progression structure that would make this career attractive to young people or to those returning to work.

The Raffles schools

Just for the record, this was published recently:

Seek out balanced mix of students at Raffles schools

Uh, I don't write the headlines for these letters.

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The Raffles schools were the pinnacle of aspiration for families like mine all across Singapore.

I remember taking the bus to Tiong Bahru Primary School, confident I would be an "RGS girl".

On my first day at Raffles Girls' School (RGS) I was asked by a new schoolmate: "Were you the top girl in your school?"

It transpired that virtually every girl in the room was asked the same question, and the answer was the same: We were the top girls from schools across our island nation.

I had such a great time at RGS.

I studied alongside daughters of hawkers, labourers, civil servants, and so on. I was gobsmacked when some of the girls arrived at school in chauffeur-driven cars.

Within the classroom, however, our family backgrounds did not matter. Of the 40 girls in class, only one had a graduate father.

How may we reverse elitism at Raffles Institution (RI) and RGS ("A hard look at averting elitism"; Wednesday and "RI population less diverse now, say many alumni"; Tuesday)?

In primary schools, one will find naturally gifted children from lower socio-economic backgrounds who may not already be in the gifted education programme.

Sometimes, the parents of such children won't even know that their children are good enough to get into RI/RGS. Sometimes, there are fears that they cannot afford to "keep up" or "fit in".

I suggest the relevant authorities consider "outreach programmes" to nurture these natural talents, engage with their families, reassure them of financial support and prepare them for a time at RI/RGS.

Or invite the top boys and girls in each class or school to sit a special test for RI/RGS. Just make sure that this is a test - unlike the Primary School Leaving Examination - for which they cannot be prepped.

Single Mother watch (Notes to self)

21 August 2015

NB: I plan to keep this post updated on the weird and wonderful single mothers (and fathers) I encounter.

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This was published recently: “But I am a single mum!” .

Back at the ranch (the advice charity where I was a volunteer, went on the payroll, made redundant from lack of funding, and now back as volunteer) I was faced with the following two cases. I know a little less about the third case.

Case One

Client's daughter came to see me at advice triage session. Client was claiming loads of benefit as a single mother of four or five children from 2005. The daughter who is in her 20s was the one who came on her behalf. She presented me with a stack of papers about 4.5cm thick.

By the third page it has become clear to me that the case was about Client claiming to be a single mother when in fact she continued to have a relationship with her husband.

How do we know? Client went on to have a new baby after being given her benefits and the baby was registered with the same surname as her other children. They also found evidence that the father had a bank account AND business registered to the same address.

Client and her daughter still insisted that Client was indeed a single parent. They are appealing against the demand for overpayment of benefits that have been claimed fraudulently. I can't wait to find out what the outcome of their tribunal hearing might be. And then, would they be prosecuted in court for benefit fraud?

If I were the Client I will quietly work out a payment arrangement. Sometimes it takes them (theoretically) 93 years to pay off these debts.

Meanwhile the father has now (conveniently?) moved back in with the family and all the benefits are in order.

Case Two

Client attended with her brother because her English was not so good. Client was already given her maximum £26,000 benefit (£500 a week) for herself and four children. She also, ostensibly, also cares for an elderly mother.

Client then took on work as a cleaner for a company for 16 hours a week: six hours on Saturday, and two hours a day Monday to Friday. Her application for Housing Benefit was initially approved, but given the evidence that the company that Client worked for had actually stopped trading during the period of her claim, it was decided that she had worked illegally, and that the 'work' was a ruse to claim additional working tax credit to avoid her benefit cap of £26,000. There is now a demand for £15,000 of overpayment of Housing Benefit and rent arrears.

I was observing her adviser who said she believed her story. We have to, just as lawyers must always believe what the clients tell us. The company had not ceased trading as the authorities said. But there were a number of little details I found astonishing.

(1) She was getting £6.19 an hour. Transport costs to and from work would have cost £2.80. (Maybe she drives. We did not ask.) Would anyone already drawing £26,000 a year actually spend two hours on the bus to work two hours in order to earn £9.50, Mondays to Fridays? Her weekly income from this job was £99.

(2) During these working hours, she had to send two or three children to childcare. This cost, however, was picked up by the taxpayer on the basis that she was getting Working Tax Credit.

(3) Why did she choose to work during the hours her children needed childcare and not when the children were in school?

(4) She already gets "Carers Allowance" for looking after her mother and should be looking after her mother. When the mother suffered a fall. Client left her job suddenly. It shows that she was not fussed one way or another whether she worked.

(5) If the taxpayer were to pick up the cost of childcare and then pay her quite a substantial amount of Working Tax Credit, then Client had nothing to lose. There were no opportunity costs as far as she was concerned, unlike those of us who are not on benefits.

Watch this space.

Case Three

I was manning reception because our volunteer receptionists were not there. There was a client that I knew could not be handled by the triage volunteers so I asked a supervisor to look into it.

Single mother with several children at least one of whom is autistic gets every single benefit you can name, as she rattled it off: Child Benefit, Child Tax Credit, Income Support, Carers Allowance. Her children get Disability Living Allowance, etc. etc. She showed me a bill of unpaid rent because the council was not giving her Housing Benefit. The landlord is threatening eviction.

It sounded to me -- but I might be wrong -- that Housing Benefit was withheld because she had exceeded her benefit cap threshold. I said, "Madam, just because you don't get HB, it does not mean that you cannot take money from the disability benefits, CTC, etc, to pay at least some rent."

She gave me a strange look.

I mean, £26,000 for not working is not bad money, is it? (I thought.)

Supervisor saw her and I later learned that she was going to make an appointment for Client to see an adviser at one of our other 'outposts', designed for clients with children under five or pregnant. I said to supervisor, "But she does not have children under five!"

Supervisor, "Yes. But she says she is pregnant."

There you go again. Single mother -- from a religious group where they stone women for adultery -- having another baby.

Retirement villages let residents live happy and die happy

This was published on 1st July 2015 in the 'Letters on the Web' section. The Straits Times has also undergone a revamp.
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My husband and I have been talking about moving into a retirement village before it is "too late".

One Canadian model I researched allows over-65s to move from independent living initially to more supported living and finally to where they get superlative dementia care.

After acute hospital care, the patient can always return because there is always support at the village, thus reducing "bed-blocking" at hospitals.

Crucially, this retirement village does not admit people requiring dementia care unless they are already a resident.

Gerontologists will be familiar with how the aged are often reluctant to move.

Moving within a village, however, is much less traumatic, because residents remain in close contact with the friends they made while they were still active and healthy.

Resident staff do not have to travel substantial distances to give perfunctory domiciliary care to those living alone and who need help getting in and out of bed.

Instead, staff can care, and care with pride. They are adequately compensated, do a much better job, and the residents are happy.

Residents of this retirement village also have to discuss and update their end-of-life options every year. The signed document or agreement is left where paramedics can see it as they enter the premises.

If the resident has chosen "Do not resuscitate", then, paramedics won't resuscitate. If the resident wants to die at home, doctors will try to let them do so, surrounded by their loved ones.

Technological advances mean we can prolong the human existence meaninglessly.

As for me, let me live happy, age happy, and then die happy.

Lee Siew Peng (Dr)
Britain

Gifted children, a mother's heartache

There is a new editor at Straits Times Forum page

I have not been keeping up with news in Singapore for some time for various reasons. Something struck a chord with the recent debate on IQ testing. I asked my son if he wanted to write a piece on 'the heartache of a gifted child'. No. So I wrote 'the heartache of a gifted  child mum' instead.

The editor was very good and gracious and let me look at her edits before running it.

I am amazed at the lack of reports in Singapore on how difficult it is to parent a gifted child. Am I the only one with this problem? So it was good that after this letter was published, another parent shared how it has not been a smooth-sailing journey for him and his son either.

It is a myth that when children are gifted they would be able to sort themselves out. No, they are still children and parents must be there for these children.

Also in my experience, the last thing a parent needed to worry about is 'enrichment' in terms of doing more (piano, drama, sport, foreign language, martial art, etc). Some of what I read about 'kiasu parents' made me feel really inadequate.

Like the other parent mentioned, it is the emotional stability that I needed to worry about.

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(24th June 2015) http://www.straitstimes.com/archive/wednesday/premium/forum-letters/story/gifted-children-mothers-heartache-20150624 (this link is a bit wonky)

THERE has been much debate among readers on gifted children.

But be prepared for lots of tears if your child is gifted.

Giftedness can be defined as having extraordinary prowess in one or more areas of life. It is not limited to academic giftedness.

In my ideal world, we would support every child who shows giftedness in sport, music, drama and so forth. But Singaporean parents and politicians seem to be fixated on the academically gifted.

Giftedness can be a curse. A gifted child may be very advanced in a narrow area of ability. They are better at maths, say, than most of their peers, because they grasp the concept the first time.

But these peers will catch up eventually, should they choose to do so.

Meanwhile the gifted child is out at sea, lonely and bored, waiting for the slowest learner in class to catch up, so that he can move on to something fresh and challenging.

Frustration sets in for the gifted child when his mental development is not in sync with his physical, social, emotional or psychological development.

Such children may have a huge vocabulary. They may be able to think long, flowing sentences. But they may not be able to write quickly enough to "catch" those thoughts in a legible script. They look at the scribbled page and they tear it up. Again and again.

Gifted children need challenges within a loving context.

They will face many obstacles and fall because of their asynchronous development.

The good news is they do eventually learn to get on with life as a normal(ish) person.

We, parents, must be there to pick them up.

I have "been there, done that", and am still anticipating my son's next big obstacle. He was nearly expelled from school at age six. It turned out that he had a very high IQ for his age.

I have shed lots of tears coming to terms with his "special education needs" which necessitated giving up an academic career.

An intelligent child who does not fit in with his age mates can make life difficult for the family.

Lee Siew Peng (Dr)
Britain

Random Thoughts about Random People

Single mother tells me she is worried that by the end of the year when her daughter turns 20, she (meaning the mother) will be losing a range of benefits.

She went on to say, repeatedly, "I'm not having a go at you but" (which means that she was having a go at me as a representative of the 'system', which I am not) "there are all these people coming in and getting all these benefits. What do you expect her to do? Drop out of college? She will have to drop out of college, because I cannot afford the prescription charges, and so forth. It's unfair that there are no benefits for her just because she turns 20."

Hang on a minute, why does she assume that her daughter will need prescription charges? (This is the charge, currently £8 something, that one pays when filling a prescription at the chemist/pharmacist should a doctor thinks medication might help. It's the same charge no matter how dear the actual medication.)

Her 'all these people' obviously refers to the new immigrants.

Aged 20 and still on benefits? (Child Tax Credit and Child Benefits)

Come on, I was earning money to support my family at 18! Why is she here about her daughter any way? Surely her daughter should be the one seeing me to try to sort out her own affairs?

Went to my supervisor who said, well, those are the rules, there is very little we can do. Support for dependent children stop at 20, then they are expected to either work or go to university at which point they could get other benefits (student loans for undergrads and JSA for those 'job-seeking').

Her daughter is late in finishing training because she switched courses after one year. It was a decision she made.

Trying to help her I said, mum could still do some approved work for under 16 hours if she is on ESA (Employment and Support Allowance). In any case this mother was clearly physically fit. She refused to say why she was on ESA and had been on Income Support for such a long time. Was it something mental? She insisted that she was not capable of working.

Her daughter could also do some work during the holidays and weekends. Most young people do, not only for the money but also for the experience. I tried explaining that it would be good for her daughter to gain working experience.

Mother: "But she's working really hard at college."

There is only a six month gap between her birthday and her finishing her college course. Could she not try to build up some savings between now (June) and September (when the new term starts)? What about not having TV for six months? That's saving £12 a month on licence fees.

There are so many ways that mother and daughter could get around this problem, but no, "it is unfair that she does not get any help just because she is 20".

Fact is most of us as parents would simply pull our finger out and do something to support our children's education. We won't go whining about how it is 'unfair'. Life is unfair. Get used to it. It is unfair that having worked and lived here since 1992 I have not received a single penny of benefit. I have been a net giver to British society.

She and her family (she has older children) had been supported for all these years, ESA, CTC, CB, HB/CTR, etc. The family did not have to lift a finger to receive a steady income and a warm home. If they have not learned to do something for themselves -- empower themselves -- during all this time of public support, then the welfare system is not doing its part.

It is simply a culture of dependency that cannot continue.

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Woman missed her citizenship ceremony and now she may lose her citizenship. Her husband insisted on speaking on her behalf. I said I would like his wife to speak instead.

He said her English was not so good.

'Not so good' would be an understatement. Or perhaps an overstatement. His wife has virtually zero English. So how on earth did she get her English certificate needed to get citizenship?

Your questions?

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We see clients on a 'taxi-rank' system: whoever comes next. We cannot choose our clients. Although lately there have been many Tamil women clients who insisted on seeing our Tamil assessor, which is bad practice.

By sheer coincidence I saw the same Afghani man twice.

The first time he was really angry because he said he waited so long he missed going to the mosque (which was just across the road) to pray. I said it was nearly 3pm and I still had not the time to stop for lunch.

He thought we were useless as I refused to help him fill in some forms to get his son into a secondary school. At such-and-such CAB he said there were people who helped him complete all his forms.

You mean there was no one at the mosque who could help him? No.

I explained that my role was not to fill in forms. He has five children. He would have very many forms to fill in. Then he disclosed that he has English lessons five days a week. I suggested that he got his teacher to help him. Use the form as a practical exercise. I trained to teach English as a Second Language and I know that these are precisely the kind of work that teachers think are worth doing.

However if he was really stuck he could come back the following week and I will -- with the permission of my manager, as this is not within my role description -- try my best to help him.

I also made other suggestions as to how his family, in particular his wife, would do well to try to learn as much English as possible. There are libraries. Borrow CDs. Do not watch TV. Listen to the radio. Read books. He listened with intent. His eyes said he was really keen to learn.

He did not come back the following week for help with the forms. Good. That means he was able to find help.

But he was back last week with another issue. He was smiling.

I said you must have thought it was a bit 'off' that this little Chinese woman was telling him, a grown Muslim man, what to do. He smiled and said, 'yes!' But he also realised that what I said was helpful.

Again we could not actually help with his current problem. I did manage to show him how to make an online appointment at the local government office and briefed him as to what he needed to say to the officers there. It transpires that he was really keen for his daughters to have a good education. Good for him, I thought.

Yesterday I met him in town, wife and two children in tow. He recognized me and stopped me and smiled and was really friendly. I asked vaguely if everything was OK. He replied vaguely that everything was. I smiled to his wife, who looked really nervous, and went on my way.

I could have got very upset with his whining about his missing his Friday prayers the first time. But now I hope and pray I have made a start in getting him to help himself and family, and in particular his wife and daughters, to become a net contributor to British society.

Dare to be a Daniel

Two weeks ago the following was the Bible reading at church. When the reader came to the first part marked in red, I had a 'naughty' thought:

Daniel 4  

Nebuchadnezzar’s Dream of a Tree

4 King Nebuchadnezzar,

To the nations and peoples of every language, who live in all the earth:

May you prosper greatly!

² It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me.

³ How great are his signs,
    how mighty his wonders!
His kingdom is an eternal kingdom;
    his dominion endures from generation to generation.

⁴ I, Nebuchadnezzar, was at home in my palace, contented and prosperous. ⁵ I had a dream that made me afraid. As I was lying in bed, the images and visions that passed through my mind terrified me. ⁶ So I commanded that all the wise men of Babylon be brought before me to interpret the dream for me. ⁷ When the magicians, enchanters, astrologers and diviners came, I told them the dream, but they could not interpret it for me.

 

[Were all the 'wise men' really unable to interpret the dream or were they, as civil servants, too afraid to tell the truth about what it means? The reading continues:]

 

⁸ Finally, Daniel came into my presence and I told him the dream. (He is called Belteshazzar, after the name of my god, and the spirit of the holy gods is in him.)

⁹ I said, “Belteshazzar, chief of the magicians, I know that the spirit of the holy gods is in you, and no mystery is too difficult for you. Here is my dream; interpret it for me. ¹⁰ These are the visions I saw while lying in bed: I looked, and there before me stood a tree in the middle of the land. Its height was enormous. ¹¹ The tree grew large and strong and its top touched the sky; it was visible to the ends of the earth. ¹² Its leaves were beautiful, its fruit abundant, and on it was food for all. Under it the wild animals found shelter, and the birds lived in its branches; from it every creature was fed.
¹³ “In the visions I saw while lying in bed, I looked, and there before me was a holy one, a messenger, coming down from heaven. ¹⁴ He called in a loud voice: ‘Cut down the tree and trim off its branches; strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the animals flee from under it and the birds from its branches. ¹⁵ But let the stump and its roots, bound with iron and bronze, remain in the ground, in the grass of the field.
“‘Let him be drenched with the dew of heaven, and let him live with the animals among the plants of the earth. ¹⁶ Let his mind be changed from that of a man and let him be given the mind of an animal, till seven times pass by for him.
¹⁷ “‘The decision is announced by messengers, the holy ones declare the verdict, so that the living may know that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes and sets over them the lowliest of people.’
¹⁸ “This is the dream that I, King Nebuchadnezzar, had. Now, Belteshazzar, tell me what it means, for none of the wise men in my kingdom can interpret it for me. But you can, because the spirit of the holy gods is in you.”

Daniel Interprets the Dream

¹⁹ Then Daniel (also called Belteshazzar) was greatly perplexed for a time, and his thoughts terrified him. So the king said, “Belteshazzar, do not let the dream or its meaning alarm you.”

[Daniel was 'terrified'. Does he want to be the bearer of bad news? I also like the way he said, 'I really wish this was not intended for you, but .... ]

Belteshazzar answered, “My lord, if only the dream applied to your enemies and its meaning to your adversaries! ²⁰ The tree you saw, which grew large and strong, with its top touching the sky, visible to the whole earth, ²¹ with beautiful leaves and abundant fruit, providing food for all, giving shelter to the wild animals, and having nesting places in its branches for the birds— ²² Your Majesty, you are that tree! You have become great and strong; your greatness has grown until it reaches the sky, and your dominion extends to distant parts of the earth.
²³ “Your Majesty saw a holy one, a messenger, coming down from heaven and saying, ‘Cut down the tree and destroy it, but leave the stump, bound with iron and bronze, in the grass of the field, while its roots remain in the ground. Let him be drenched with the dew of heaven; let him live with the wild animals, until seven times pass by for him.’
²⁴ “This is the interpretation, Your Majesty, and this is the decree the Most High has issued against my lord the king: ²⁵ You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox and be drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes. ²⁶ The command to leave the stump of the tree with its roots means that your kingdom will be restored to you when you acknowledge that Heaven rules. ²⁷ Therefore, Your Majesty, be pleased to accept my advice: Renounce your sins by doing what is right, and your wickedness by being kind to the oppressed. It may be that then your prosperity will continue.”

[Daniel, like some sort of 'outside' management consultant, not only identified the problem. He also proposed a solution. Look what happened a year later. King Neb forgot about this dream and returned to feeling smug.]

 

The Dream Is Fulfilled

²⁸ All this happened to King Nebuchadnezzar. ²⁹ Twelve months later, as the king was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, ³⁰ he said, “Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?”
³¹ Even as the words were on his lips, a voice came from heaven, “This is what is decreed for you, King Nebuchadnezzar: Your royal authority has been taken from you. ³² You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes.”
³³ Immediately what had been said about Nebuchadnezzar was fulfilled. He was driven away from people and ate grass like the ox. His body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird.

[However, there was good news for Nebuchadnezzar when the 'seven times' was over ....]

³⁴ At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever.

His dominion is an eternal dominion;
    his kingdom endures from generation to generation.
³⁵ All the peoples of the earth
    are regarded as nothing.
He does as he pleases
    with the powers of heaven
    and the peoples of the earth.
No one can hold back his hand
    or say to him: “What have you done?”

³⁶ At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and splendor were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and I was restored to my throne and became even greater than before. ³⁷ Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble.

For me, what was amazing was that the speaker echoed my very thoughts in his sermon.
 
May God bless all those who read his word.